Puppy love

I left for a holiday visit with my family seven days ago, and I don't think I'll ever be the same. My mother has one of those challenged pets that for years has been positively afraid of men. Up until a year ago, she treated me the same as others, running to hide when I approached, but she started to be more friendly to me over the last few visits.

This Christmas, I came home and the little girl Wheaton Terrier with the long shag hair who we will call Biffy to protect her privacy, was positively beaming when I arrived home. After the initial sniffing to remember me, she started to sidle up to me and request pettings. She wasn't very subtle about it. She backed into my hand, turning her head around with a come hither that was reminiscent of Marlene Dietrich. Then after a few pets to the butt, she'd immediately flip over spread eagle. Little Biffy had turned into a power bottom! I played with her stomach, but I could tell she was looking for more. It reminded me of one crazy afternoon when I was 11 and my neighbor's cat was purring like she needed a good going over, but that's another story when I'm drunker...

Anyway, I went to bed that night and had the strangest dream. Perhaps, Vurn, you can decipher it for me. It was my wedding night, and the crowd was in great spirits. I had a bizarre but incredible line-up of talent, Elton John, J-Lo, Naked Boys Singing. The cafe tables were decked in this bizarre wheat-colored shag tablecloth, and people were doing funky Austin Powers style dancing. For some reason, though, I couldn't figure out who was my husband. I would scan the audience, and nothing but a bunch of party revelers who I didn't recognize, much like many of my parties. Then, right before the dream ended, Thomas Jane in his buffest as The Punisher, danced through the revelers to me. He had a tuxedo shirt on, but had sweat through it completely so that you could see every minute ripple in his body. FINALLY, this was going to be an erotic dream, rather than one of those boring Merchant Ivory dreams where I focus on the china and the sun beaming through the windows.

Thomas looked good, but he had this funny grin on his face that I couldn't decipher. He wanted us to be naughty, I could tell, but was he going to role play his Punisher role or his role in The Deep End? Then he slowly approached me and started licking my hand. It was kinky, yes, but not what I expected, and certainly not in front of a crowd. Maybe, I thought, this is how married people have public displays of affection. My hand was getting wet and he wasn't getting any kinkier, and that's when I woke up and saw little Biffy on my bed. With her sidelong glance. Sigh, maybe 2006 will be my return to bestiality. She did have a good tongue....