A.D.D.? Try Touching Your Testicles

This morning as I was laying in bed trying to think about my day, my mind popped around from scenario to scenario like a coked out cheerleader from the special Olympics was changing it with a remote control, powered with a Suzuki outboard motor.

“Is it raining outside? Should I try to have sex with the guy lying next to me? Should I start researching hair replacement options? What does Carmen Elektra do for a living and is that her real name and lips?”

After my mind went through every channel offered by Time Warner Gayble, I for some reason stuck my hand in my pants and fondled my manhood. I don’t know why I did it. I wasn’t horny or had an itch. It was a natural instinct like breathing or saying someone’s fat when someone fat walks by.

Suddenly my mind stopped bouncing around and focused. I thought about my day and what I was going to do. I planned my week, balanced my check book and created a recipe to remove those pesty brown stains from my sheets and towels.

I ask you America, what is it about a man’s dick that makes him want to touch it? Why do we feel comfort in moving our testicles around like a couple of Chinese relaxation balls? Do women stick there fingers in their vagina to relax and concentrate? If so, do they wash their hands before they shake mine? If anyone has any answers to these thought provoking questions, please let me know.

Lavurn