Pot Wet Dream

Shirl,

Last night I had the strangest dream. I didn’t sail away to China, in a little row boat to find ya, but it was pretty close. You see, I was hanging out with these two French actors, I forget their names, who decided to steal some flowers. Well, they got caught by The Home Depot. So The Home Depot made them install some faulty fire alarms in my house. Well, I started crying and crying and was so upset by this. The Home Depot told me that if I gave them $500 or a bag of pot, they’d remove the faulty fire alarms. So I go to my sister’s house, who is a drug dealer and apparently Claire from Six Feet Under. So we decide that I should smuggle the pot on a bologna sandwich. So then I get high with Claire and some other people and decide to buy two more bags of pot. Well, Claire’s apartment is also a van. And it stops and suddenly is filled with all these people. And then this guy tells us that we’re going to be drug tested. So we’re standing in line to pee in a cup and one of the doctors starts flirting with me. So, once Claire, our two friends and I get in the doctor’s office, I lock the door and make a deal with the two doctors that I will give them blow jobs if they pass us on the drug test. Then I woke up because the baby I live with fell off her high chair.

So I can understand Claire, because I’ve been watching a DVD of the third season of Six Feet Under. And I can understand the two French actors because I saw a movie poster with them last night. And I can understand the pot because last night we passed a store called Indico Chico that had pot plants growing in its window. And believe it or not, I even understand the bologna sandwiches but that’s too weird to explain. Blow jobs are a recurring theme in my dreams so that’s cool. But where the hell did the Home Depot and faulty fire alarms come in? If dreams are made up of things you’ve experienced, what is all the other stuff you didn’t experience about? Are those premonitions? And most importantly, why hasn’t Claire, who was fantastic in the hit teen Jennifer Love Hewitt movie, “Can’t Hardly Wait,” and was mesmerizing as the depressed, dark, sex symbol with a weight problem funeral home daughter in, “Six Feet Under,” gotten bigger parts?

By the way, my assignment for today is to uncover what Indico Chico really sells. And the picture has nothing to do with the story. I'm just trying to use photos and I thought this was a cute picture of us when we did that Gary Marshall sitcom about the fifties (until we moved to California and it was the sixties) in the seventies.

Lavurn