Won't You Be My Friendster?

I, Shirlee Spew Liquor, have been embarking on an Erin Brokovich-style investigative journalistic expose of the underbelly of new York. First, I uncovered the secrets of the fashion world by experiencing the cheap thrills associated colored AA underwear. Today, I want to bring to our readers attention an issue that is vastly more pervasive and insidious in our community, the world of online chat rooms.

Wondering aloud why I haven't had a real date in months, my soon-to-be ex-roommate encouraged me to try the Connexion website. I had heard of this site once before, but honestly it seems like a lot of work to log on, upload pictures, scan others. I mean, I have important couch potato-ing to be doing. Who has the time to multitask more than drinking and channel flipping during entertainment hours, I ask?



Anyway, I took his advice and created myself a profile. I think it blends my style of sexiness and humor in an appealing way, but I wasn't getting anyone to nibble, so I went into the chat rooms. Now, to be honest, Vurn, I'm a much better chatter in person when I've had a few cocktails. I can't seem to get the rythyms of online chat, let alone those GDF acronyms! LOL.

So, I looked through the pictures of the local boys currently on Connexion, which unlike Friendster, doesn't announce who you've been snooping on. I found one who looked appealing, read his bio and found out he liked Felicity. Perfect! I'm in! I think I can quote half of the scripts. So here's a snippet of the transcript which I've conveniently saved for further embarrassment:

ME: Hey.
Hot Guy #1: Hi.
Me: So you're a fan of Felicity. I live by her college years.
Hot Guy #1: Yeah, it was great. You're kind of cute.
Me: Do you know that Keri Russell works out in my gym?
Hot Guy #1: Oh, are you at Equinox?
Me: My roommate told me she's a coke head.
Hot Guy #1: She's not a coke head!
Me: Not that it's any of my business. You know you're kind of hot yourself.
Hot Guy #1: Where did you hear this?
Me: Oh god, you're her best friend, aren't you. Or her agent. Look, it doesn't bother me. Some of my best friends are coke heads! Can we get back to us?
Hot Guy #1: She's NOT a coke head!! [Hot Guy has closed his window. Actually he's slammed it shut on you.]


Me: Wait! Come back! Sigh! Why did I sigh online to no one? Why am I still typing? Sigh.
[Ugly Guy #1 has opened a new chat]: Hey.
Me: [Shirlee has closed and locked her window].


I don't know what to do, Vurn. I've tried Friendster, but you know, the weird thing about the people who invite me to be there "friendsters" is that they don't actually want to be friends. I'll see some of them out, one of who had invited me to be his "friend" only hours earlier, and he actively ignored me. What's that about? I think they just want to be linked to as many 2nd degree people as possible because it helps bump up their monthly profile views.

L, living a 21st century social life is too confusing. I think I need to go back to the old-fashioned method of passing out at a bar and waking up in the home of a stranger. At least all the chatting is dispensed with. In my next journalistic expose, I shall delve into the world of subletting.

Your two-faced blogging partner in crime,

Shirl

LOL!
xo
MSM